Marriage and intimacy: How to fix the lack of sex in marriage

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Marriage and intimacy: How to fix the lack of sex in marriage

Marriage and intimacy: How to fix the lack of sex in marriage

Is there such a thing called a sexless marriage? The answer is yes; you can be married and simultaneously not have sex with your spouse; it is possible. However, it has led us to a controversial question “Is that really what you would want?” probably not. Despite what the media depicts, there is a significant percentage of married couples not having sex for a wide range of reasons: emotional, psychological, physical, religious, etc. A variety of issues can cause people to have a lower sex drive — hormone alteration, blood sugar swings, depression, weight gain, stress, fatigue, performance anxiety, erection difficulty, fear of pregnancy. etc.

A marriage without intimate sex can deteriorate. No matter how you justify it for yourself, you still miss the sex, the fun, and the intimacy it brings. At the beginning of the relationship, it is usually ongoing fun and sex. But, now, you don’t even share the same room. Data scientist Seth Stephens-Davidowitz reports that "sexless marriage" is one of the most Googled phrases when it comes to marriage complaints in the United States. The Austin Institute for the Study of Family and Culture found that 12 percent of married couples hadn’t had sex in the previous 3 months. You can, however, learn how to fix a broken marriage. Here are 7 ways to fix your marriage and bring the intimacy back:

1. Accept that mismatched libidos are normal.

According to Dr. David Schnarch, author of Intimacy & Desire, all couples have an “LDP” (low desire partner) and an “HDP” (high desire partner). Even the happiest couples have an LDP and an HDP. When it comes to any desire, one will always want it more than the other. No need to place blame. No one is at fault. It’s just the way things are.

2. Create a new routine.

Creating a new routine can help the situation to change for the better. Shake things up with creating new means to say “I love you” to your partner. Make a new habit of greeting him with "Good Morning" and a "Good Night Sweetheart" or "Hey, babe, how was your day?" to show care and compassion.

3. Take care of your partner and yourself.

Sexual activity doesn't have to be a two-way street. If you are less interested, offer to pleasure your partner. Give a back rub, foot massage, and more. Your loved one can return the favor when they are the LDP. Be “master of your domain” and try to enjoy yourself whenever possible.

4. Take inspiration from the Obamas!

Call it a date night. Think back to when you and your spouse were dating, and try to recapture some of those spontaneous getting-to-know-you moments. Remember how you connected back then and repeat that. It could be a few words, a gesture, a kind of look or touch.

5. Have no expectations.

It's common for spouses to have different levels of sexual desire. If you're the spouse who's unsatisfied because of your partner's lower libido, it's important to communicate with him/her compassionately. Just keep it simple, positive, and friendly. If your spouse seems to be acting awkward just keep smiling and smoothly let the awkward moment pass.

 6. Make eye contact and smile more often.

Let your spouse feel your positive sincerity. It’s kind of hard to be angry or agitated or rude when you’re smiling at your beloved and paying attention to him/her.

7. Show your appreciation

If you have a lot of love for yourself and your spouse, appreciate that. Be grateful for your kids, your pets, your home, your love, and your health! Appreciate having each other. Is this a lot of work? Only if you think it is. This is a 3-step process towards connecting and creating intimacy!

Step 1: Have positive intentions. Meaning that you should have positive emotions of wanting the best for each other.

Step 2: Change your way thinking from what you "used to have", "lack now", or "wish might happen in the future" to appreciate what you have now. Start seeing what is in front of you.

Step 3: Take baby steps. This is a covert mission to reclaim your power back over the awkwardness and disengagement. Actions tell the Universe you are seriously standing up for this marriage and you’re willing to do your part.

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Submitted by urbableri (not verified) on Mon, 06/27/2022 - 20:58

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